I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
