I hate your face
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
