I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
