Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
