So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
