Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
