im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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