The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize