Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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