so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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