I wish I could punch you in the face.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
