I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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