I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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