i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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