I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What a dumb baby whore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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