who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
