I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
