I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
