I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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