You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
