Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
