worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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