naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
