Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
