What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
handjob tips. give me some.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
