I didn't shave. On purpose
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
