All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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