mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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