Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
