i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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