Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize