I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize