barbara walters just said penis...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
