I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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