make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
