I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
