So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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