This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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