Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
