you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
