I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
