ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
