after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
