We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
