i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
