she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
