The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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