I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
