I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
