i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
