Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize