My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
