I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
