someone owes me an orgasm
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
