i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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