well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize