took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sorry about my life...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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