to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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