I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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