my being single is dangerous.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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